Murder the DJ

posted on October 31st, 2009 by in Mann´s World


If hip hop should die before I wake
I’ll put an extended clip inside of my AK
Roll to every station, murder the DJ
Roll to every station, murder the DJ

“Hip Hop Is Dead” – Nas

Everyone who goes out to a party should have a gun. Maybe not for the reasons you’re thinking, such as protecting life, limb and property. No everyone should have a gun to shoot the DJ. Yes it sounds harsh but it has gotten to a stage that they just need to be taught a lesson. If you think it’s so harsh then there should be a regular beating of lame-ass DJs. Nothing is more frustrating than an incompetent DJ. More often than not you keep encountering them, especially when going out is more a luxury than ever before DJ’s owe it to patrons to do a good job.

There is nothing more disrespectful than being in a crowded club/dance/party and the patrons- the people who pay to get in and buy the drinks who by extension pay for the DJ and everything else- just stand around waiting for the DJ to play something for them to respond to. Let’s call this the “Gorgon’s Garden” effect, for as far as the eyes can see are only patrons standing as still as stone statues, which in contrast, the DJ and his friends in the DJ booth seem to be the only ones dancing up a storm and thinking this is the wickedest mixing ever.

Go to enough parties and you get the feeling that a great majority of so called Disk Jockey’s really don’t know music. That should be basic knowledge one would think if your going to play music you should have a basic knowledge of I don’t know, MUSIC. A good example is this. I was at a party last Friday and this lame-O plays “Salt of the Earth (Lets Drink to the Hard Working People)” which was followed by Sizzla Kalonji’s “Show Me That You Love Me”. One gets the feeling that terms like BPM/Tempo, genre and defined sets mean absolutely nothing to these people. To say mixing is a lost art would imply that they actually knew how to mix in the first place. Searching for a DJ who is adept to a good transition sometimes is like being a Knights’ Templar searching for the Philosopher’s Stone, especially when what is considered “mixing” is playing ten songs off the same rhythm.

This brings me to my next point. Why is it that they think the louder they play a crap song the likelier it will be that a crap song is going to miraculously become an awesome song? We get it, when you go out the music is supposed to be louder than when you are in your car, home or just hanging out with your friends. But for most of these guys, playing the music at deafening decibels and blowing out speakers with heavy bass seems to be a pathetic ploy to disguise incompetence.

There is only one Tony Matterhorn, so spending the night trying to be a weak substitute at my expense is more than just a mere annoyance. And using the opportunity you have with a mic to “Big up” everyone in the dance individually is what they call overkill. “Big up the independent ladies who pay dem money fi come inya!” “Big up all the gal dem who con man!” “Big up de gun man dem” “Big up de trying yutes who know you have you 9-5” “Big up de gal dem who wear dem owna clothes and nuh gal can come up inna yu face and say mi want back mi poop inna”…….. When is he gonna play a dam song and stop talking over the good parts of the song. Or worst sing the song that’s playing.

Some Disk Jocks in the business right now I keep wondering how is it that they are still able to get work? I’m convinced that at some point in their career they took a trip to St. Thomas and wined on a monkey. How else can you explain the lack of originality and playing the same exact, identical, indistinguishable mix on the radio and then coming to a party to play the same exact, identical, indistinguishable mix then I’m suppose to be impressed. When was the last time a Disk Jock truly impressed you with skill, played something new by an artist that you didn’t know but instantly you found out this was what you were waiting for? When was the last time you had to buy a DJ a drink because he/she did a great job?

(It was really fun writing this for all you seen-site babies see your sexy asses real soon.^_^. Till next time I’m sending you all big kisses and lots of sunshine.)

Eve Mann is from Kington, Jamaica, and she´s “a creature in flux, and very annoyed with rubbish and stupidity encountered every day”. You can read more of her on her blog Phoenix in a Gas House.

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